I would like to offer a slightly different perspective about marriage. I have been married 3 times. One husband was abusive and I divorced him. I only married him and stayed with him because of my abusive childhood. The second husband died when we had been married only a few months. That was also not a great marriage and I should have gotten therapy before I married him.
I met my 3rd husband once I healed from the grief of my late husband’s death.
I was finally ready for a truly healthy relationship. And I was not willing to live the rest of my life alone (I was in my fifties).
Perhaps because my self esteem had improved, I was able to attract an emotionally mature, loving man. We have been together over a decade and are blissfully happy.
My point is, that there is hope if you a) want a relationship, and b) if you are willing to work on yourself and figure out why you chose so many toxic partners.
Men are not all callous users. Neither are women.
A good marriage means both people supporting each other, not one of them draining the other with their neediness. I finally have this and I have never been happier.
You may not have my experience, but I just want to say that it is possible to have a fulfilling relationship.