I agree that women need to be alone if what you describe is the only option. And I had similar experiences with men. But I don’t see this horrible pattern everywhere. I know so many people who are in caring heterosexual relationships. Maybe because I made a lot of friends who were teachers and artists? I don’t know. Maybe I was living in a bubble.
Now that I am crone-aged, I would offer this advice to young heterosexual women: if a relationship is abusive, get out and keep looking. I stayed far too long with my abusive first husband. It was destructive for me and for our child.
Don’t get involved too soon. Cut him loose if he acts like a selfish asshole (I can’t believe how long it took me to learn this).
Although I know a lot of happily married couples, I have also seen abuse. And it goes both ways. One of the nicest men I ever worked with had a horribly abusive wife. He stayed with her far too long.
It makes me sad that young and middle-aged women are feeling this way. I have a nice husband now. Maybe I was just lucky.